A LIST OF THINGS THAT PISSED ME OFF
THIS WEEK IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
by Sara Watkins
- A guy walking down the street in shorts and a t-shirt in December.
Where the fuck is his coat?
- A friend is too quiet in the car, eyes everywhere but the road.
WHAT is the issue here?
- Houses decorated with projector lights instead of Christmas lights.
I don’t give credit for half done work.
- A single flip flop on the street.
How does that even happen, and why do I see it so often? In December in Philadelphia?!
- Our hands accidentally slipped together while walking, his fingertips curling into the curve of my palm.
Ugh, great; another awkward thing we need to talk about.
- Roach drowned in the sink, belly up.
Seriously? Again? Where do they keep coming from, and why do they keep going in there if they can’t swim?
- There is no line for Mall Santa. Instead, moms make appointments on a touch screen.
“Back in my day…!”
- The car is running— waiting.
No fucking pressure. Just kidding; lots of pressure.
- Guy playing foosball against himself in a bar.
Is he lonely or showing off? Either way, I’m unimpressed. Suddenly I want to play foosball, and he’s hogging the only table. I can’t even play foosball, which I am also now frustrated about.
- A woman introduced herself to me as, “40, single, no kids, but not broken!”
I wasn’t worried you were broken, but now that you’ve brought it up…
- A couple frowns at each other over pizza.
Just eat your god damn pizza.
- A shirtless luchador walking down the street with a Shake Weight.™
This one I can’t explain. Equal parts confusion and respect. What am I doing in my life that I’m not on this guy’s level?
Sara Watkins (she/her) is an editor, author, UCTD-haver, and editor-in-chief of Spoonie Press (www.spooniepress.com), which is devoted to publishing work by chronically ill, disabled, and neurodivergent creators. She is the winner of the 2022 MASKS Literary Magazine Story Award. Recent publications include work in Wordgathering, Vast Chasm, and Bitchin’ Kitsch. Contact: www.sarawatkins.net or @saranadebooks on Twitter and Instagram.
Photo by Tim Mossholder.