Complaint 78.1

DISCOUNT HEADLINES JOB LOT #43
by J.F. Gleeson

EXCLUSIVE MARVEL SET TO ANNOUNCE NEW FILM FEATURING CINEMA’S FIRST IRISH SUPERHERO

HBO CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TO BRING TOGETHER KEY CHARACTERS FROM DEADWOOD CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM GAME OF THRONES BAND OF BROTHERS & OZ

REAL LIFE CINEMATIC UNIVERSE TO BRING TOGETHER REAL CHARACTERS FROM YOUR LIFE AND SOME OTHER PEOPLE’S LIVES

102 THINGS YOU MUST DO OR YOU ARE FUCKED

46 BILLION REASONS YOU WILL DIE IF YOU LOOK AT YOUR PHONE

FIFTY MILLION THOUSAND REASONS IT’S OKAY TO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU NOT TO LOOK AT YOUR PHONE

WHY YOU SHOULD READ THIS ARTICLE ON YOUR PHONE

50,016 CARTOONS LIKE OSWALD THE LUCKY RABBIT YOU HAVE TO WATCH RIGHT NOW

ALL THE THINGS YOU BETTER FUCKING DO BEFORE YOU ARE 38 ASSHOLE

5 BEST THEORIES EXPLAINING HOW TOBEY MAGUIRE WILL APPEAR IN NEW DOWNTON ABBEY MOVIE

EXPERTS EXPLAIN HOW TO NOT HAVE A PANIC ATTACK WHEN SOMETHING GOOD HAPPENS

THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT THE ARTISTIC TASTES OF THE NEANDERTHALS? THINK AGAIN YOU FUCKING SHITBAG

HOW TO BE A BETTER PERSON AND STOP HATING YOURSELF AND STILL BE A PIECE OF SHIT

WHY THIS YEAR WILL BE A STANDOUT YEAR FOR STOOL

MEMORIZE THESE FIVE QUANTUM EQUATIONS BEFORE LEAVING YOUR HOUSE OR SPEAKING TO ANYONE

2023 THE YEAR IN HARPSICHORD TRAP

I DUBBED THE FIFTH HARRY POTTER MOVIE WITH DOLPHIN SPEECH WHY TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

THE 10 ALBUMS THAT CAME OUT THIS YEAR THAT WE LOVED THAT WE FUCKING HATED

IF YOU’RE NOT EATING THESE 7 KINDS OF OCEANIC ALGAE YOU ARE FUCKING UP

MINDHUNTER SEASON 3 CANCELLED

MINDHUNTER SEASON 3 REBOOT ANNOUNCED

MINDHUNTER SEASON 3 REBOOT RUMORED TO INCLUDE CHARACTERS FROM MINDHUNTER SEASON 3

REMAKE OF YOUR LIFE ANNOUNCED

YOU’LL FUCKING SHIT YOURSELF WHEN YOU HEAR THESE JOKES ABOUT YOUR LIFE IN THE REMAKE OF YOUR LIFE

IF YOU REALLY WANT YOUR PARTNER TO LOVE YOU FOREVER YOU’LL HAVE A STROKE IN THESE 98 FOLDOUT CHAIRS

SCHINDLER’S LIST TV SERIES ANNOUNCED INDIANA JONES AND TOM HANKS WILL APPEAR AND MATT DAMON AND MRS DOUBTFIRE AND THE GOONIES

NEW STAR WARS REQUEL STAR WARS WILL IGNORE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK INTRODUCE FOCUS ON NIEN NUNB

THE 5 BEST AMAZING SITCOMS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE AND MAKE ME FUCKING SICK

ALWAYS LATE FOR WORK TRY THESE 11 HOME REMEDIES FOR NOT GETTING CONSTIPATION AND THESE 52,043,978 REMEDIES FOR NOT GETTING HEMORRHOIDS AND THESE 283,467 REMEDIES FOR NEVER GETTING ANXIOUS EVER AGAIN

J. F. Gleeson’s work has appeared or will or might soon appear in Maudlin House, The Daily Drunk, Rejection Letters, Overheard, Ligeia, the Bear Creek Gazette, Bullshit Lit and other places. He has a website: deadlostbeaches.blog.

This is his second appearance in the Bureau.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay.

One thought on “Complaint 78.1

  1. Pingback: DISCOUNT HEADLINES JOB LOT #43 – dead lost beaches

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